If you have a skilled mediator, the effectiveness of Mediation Abingdon will depend on the participants’ attitude. I have never failed to mediate a dispute when all parties operated in good faith. The following are some of the behaviours connected with unsuccessful mediations:
- BLAMING AND PUNISHING
- HIDING ASSETS AND INFORMATION
- ATTORNEY INTERFERENCE
The stonewalling partner appears to be working tirelessly to obtain numerous compromises, only to alter his or her mind after the fundamental points in contention appear to have been settled.
Frequently, this conduct is demonstrated by a partner who does not want a divorce and utilises it (sometimes unwittingly) to delay the inevitable. Unless the mediator understands and properly addresses this, the couple will think that they have reached a stalemate and will abandon the Mediation Abingdon, leaving the court to resolve their divorce concerns.
Sometimes, stonewalling may be an indication that the choice to divorce was taken hastily and that one or both partners are pleading for a second shot at the marriage. Several instances of stonewalling have resulted in an agreement to seek marriage therapy or to take actions to overcome marital difficulties. In spite of the fact that Mediation Abingdon typically ends quickly in such situations, these stories are examples of successful mediations that led to an unexpected outcome.
BLAMING AND PUNISHING
Some people seek to blame the other spouse for the dissolution of their marriage during Mediation Abingdon. With this objective in mind, they frequently attempt to build an alliance with the mediator in order to punish their “bad” spouse for marital infractions.
It is the mediator’s responsibility to guide the couple’s attention on the issues that must be handled in order to legally dissolve their marriage, even if it is sometimes beneficial for a furious spouse to vent his or her sentiments over the alleged wrongdoings of the other.
Occasionally, a brief deviation into the circumstances of some of the issues that led to the occurrence
This can make it easier for a couple to go through the Mediation Abingdon process, particularly if it leads to the expression of positive sentiments or even an apology, but it needs a great deal of ability and empathy on the mediator’s behalf.
It is the mediator’s responsibility to prevent negative emotions from interfering with the couple’s understanding of how to address their divorce difficulties equitably. A skilled mediator recognises that failed marriages are typically the consequence of the acts of both parties and will deflect attempts to use guilt or blame as the foundation for settling financial or childrearing concerns.
When one or both partners cannot overcome the desire to punish the other for their broken marriage, the punishing party may frequently seek legal aid to carry out the sanctions. It may take years for the punished spouse to realise that courts are typically ineffective at administering such sanctions.
For the goal of reaching a fair agreement, attempts to punish should not be confused with conversations about unacceptable behaviour on the side of either partner. Occasionally, the actions of one or both spouses may have financial or parental consequences that cannot be overlooked throughout the Mediation Abingdon process. In the chapter “How to Decide What’s Fair,” the importance of behavioural concerns is examined in depth.
In relationships with a lengthy history of power imbalance in which one partner makes all of the choices and the other does not
The spouse who makes the decisions may view Mediation Abingdon as a way to continue getting what he or she wants, regardless of legal rights or objective notions of fairness.
Typically, these couples will join Mediation Abingdon after reaching an agreement on all problems. Typically, such an arrangement will be tremendously advantageous to the more powerful spouse, but both parties will persuade the mediator that this is what they both want, thus the court should embrace this agreement.
Frequently, as the Mediation Abingdon develops, it becomes clear that the less powerful spouse is aware that the proposed arrangement is unjust, but would do everything to avoid conflict with the other spouse. This is especially common when the weaker spouse lacks the financial resources to pursue legal action.
Experience has taught the more powerful spouse that if he or she continues to pressure the other, the weaker spouse will agree to an incredibly unfavourable divorce settlement.
In certain jurisdictions, the courts will intervene and refuse to accept such agreements, particularly with regard to their impact on children, whilst in others, they would allow anything.
In such situations, the only way to find a decision that is even remotely equitable is through the courts. Unfortunately, the less powerful spouse rarely views judicial action as a feasible alternative.
HIDING ASSETS AND INFORMATION
Occasionally, a person chooses Mediation Abingdon over litigation because they feel they can convince their spouse to settle without him or her learning about particular assets or facts. This kind of person also frequently views the mediator as someone who can be deceived, manipulated, or otherwise controlled so that concealed paperwork is never need to be released.
Full disclosure of information is a requirement of the Mediation Abingdon process, and any lack or unwillingness to reveal evidence or information should result in its immediate termination. Cooperation and full transparency are fundamental foundation rules of mediation; without them, no mediation can proceed in good faith.
If this becomes an issue, a professional mediator will stop the Mediation Abingdon session. The parties will then have the option of going to court and requesting a ruling on whether or not certain paperwork must be submitted.
Once the courts have handled this matter, mediation will once again be an option.
Divorcing spouses are typically more cooperative in their efforts to resolve disputes than their attorneys. Attorneys are instructed to adopt a positional stance and to identify obvious winners and losers for their clients. They are taught to avoid losses and fight to the final end for their customers’ best interests.
Generally, divorcing spouses recognise that they cannot have everything their way and that bargaining in good faith yields additional benefits, such as a speedier resolution of their divorce and less emotional and financial harm to themselves and their children.
Their attorneys’ motivations are not usually the same. From the standpoint of the attorneys, the longer the divorce lasts, the more money they make and the more opportunities they have to demonstrate their litigation talents.
It is not unheard of for a client to desire to settle a dispute through Mediation Abingdon but, with the advice of counsel, withdraw from the mediation and turn to the court to resolve the unresolved concerns. Rather than abandoning the mediation, some couples are able to overcome an impasse by speaking with multiple attorneys about the contentious topics and the Mediation Abingdon progress.
As a couple continues with Mediation Abingdon, there should be a sense of progress. If one or both parties feel as though they are making no progress after three or more sessions, or if they stay stuck on a certain topic, they should share this with the mediator. Generally, if such a debate fails to convince either party that progress is being made, it is appropriate to end the Mediation Abingdon. It is fairly uncommon to have results with a second mediator after achieving little or nothing with the initial mediator. This is due to the fact that there are vast variances amongst mediators in terms of service quality and skill.