CountryWide Mediation

CountryWide Mediation is a group of specialist Family Mediators helping families throughout Woking to resolve separation and divorce and resolve issues relating to financial and children matters.
The CountryWide Mediation understands that divorce and separation are difficult and can be a hard time in your life. We enhance communication and deal with you to make it possible for separation or divorce to be carried out in a way that does not ruin your family.

Why would you consider household mediation as an alternative?

Family Mediation motivates trust and helps to assist in much better interaction for the future.
Family Mediation is an alternative to the couple’s solicitors battling in Court. Instead it permits you both to come up with mutually useful propositions together.
Parents in Household Mediation can make decisions on participation childcare arrangements although there is a separation. The procedure helps to reduce the unfavorable effect of the divorce on the children.
Family Mediation motivates both moms and dads to work on what they would both like to achieve which is a less difficult process than court.
Household Mediation is a less expensive and much quicker procedure than litigating. We have actually seen customers spend hundreds of thousands of pounds litigating in court. Family Mediation is a fraction of the cost.
Household Mediation takes place over numerous weeks so it is quicker than court proceedings where you could be waiting a number of months for the first hearing date.
Household Mediation is confidential and the conferences are carried out in a private setting.

Family Mediation is a more affordable and much quicker process than going to court. We have seen customers spend hundreds of thousands of pounds litigating in court. Household Mediation is a portion of the cost.

Mediation Woking

Co-Parenting and Joint Custody Tips for Divorced Parents

Co-parenting after a separation or divorce is hardly ever simple. These shared custody pointers can help give your children the stability, security, and close relationships with both parents that they require.

co parenting

What is co-parenting?

Unless your household has dealt with major issues such as domestic violence or substance abuse, co-parenting– having both moms and dads play an active function in their children’s every day lives– is the very best method to make sure that all your kids’ requirements are satisfied and enable them to maintain close relationships with both parents. The quality of the relationship in between co-parents can likewise have a strong impact on the emotional and psychological wellness of children, and the incidence of anxiety and depression. Of course, putting aside relationship issues, specifically after an acrimonious split, to co-parent agreeably is often simpler said than done.

Joint custody arrangements can be tiring, shocking, and fraught with stress, specifically if you have a controversial relationship with your ex-partner. You may feel concerned about your ex’s parenting capabilities, stressed out about kid support or other financial issues, feel worn down by conflict, or think you’ll never ever be able to conquer all the bitterness in your relationship.

Making shared choices, engaging with each other at drop-offs, or just speaking with a person you ‘d rather forget everything about can look like difficult jobs. For the sake of your kids’ well-being, though, it is possible for you to get rid of co-parenting challenges and develop a cordial working relationship with your ex. With these tips, you can remain calm, remain consistent, and fix disputes to make joint custody work and allow your kids to thrive.

Making co-parenting work

The key to effective co-parenting is to separate the individual relationship with your ex from the co-parenting relationship. It might be useful to start thinking about your relationship with your ex as a completely new one– one that is totally about the wellness of your kids, and not about either of you.

[Read: Kid and Divorce]
Your marital relationship may be over, however your household is not; acting in your kids’ best interest is your crucial concern. The initial step to being a mature, accountable co-parent is to always put your children’s needs ahead of your own.

Advantages for your kids

Through your co-parenting partnership, your kids must recognize that they are more important than the dispute that ended your marriage– and comprehend that your love for them will prevail in spite of altering scenarios. Kids whose separated parents have a cooperative relationship:

  • Feel protected. When positive of the love of both parents, kids change more quickly and quickly to divorce and brand-new living scenarios, and have better self-confidence.
  • Benefit from consistency. Co-parenting fosters similar rules, discipline, and benefits in between households, so kids know what to expect, and what’s anticipated of them.
  • Better understand problem resolving. Children who see their moms and dads continuing to collaborate are more likely to discover how to efficiently and in harmony solve issues themselves.
  • Have a healthy example to follow. By cooperating with the other parent, you are developing a life pattern your kids can bring into the future to develop and preserve more powerful relationships.
  • Are psychologically and mentally much healthier. Children exposed to dispute in between co-parents are more likely to develop concerns such as anxiety, stress and anxiety, or ADHD.

Co-parenting idea 1: Set hurt and anger aside

Successful co-parenting means that your own feelings– any hurt, anger, or animosity– should take a rear seats to the needs of your children. Undoubtedly, reserving such strong feelings may be the hardest part of finding out to work cooperatively with your ex, but it’s also maybe the most crucial.

Co-parenting is not about your sensations, or those of your ex-spouse, but rather about your kid’s joy, stability, and future wellness.

Separating feelings from behavior


It’s okay to be hurt and mad, but your sensations do not need to dictate your behavior. Instead, let what’s finest for your kids– you working cooperatively with the other parent– encourage your actions.

Get your sensations out somewhere else. Never vent to your kid. Friends, therapists, or perhaps a loving animal can all make great listeners when you require to get negative sensations off your chest. Exercise can likewise supply a healthy outlet for letting off steam.

Stay kid-focused. If you feel angry or resentful, try to remember why you require to act with purpose and grace: your child’s benefits are at stake. Looking at a photograph of your kid might assist you soothe down if your anger feels overwhelming.

Do not put your children in the middle

You might never ever entirely lose all of your animosity or bitterness about your separate, but what you can do is separate those feelings and remind yourself that they are your concerns, not your child’s. Resolve to keep your problems with your ex far from your kids.

Never use kids as messengers. When you utilize your kids to communicate messages to your co-parent, it puts them in the center of your dispute. The objective is to keep your kid out of your relationship problems, so call or email your ex directly.

Keep your problems to yourself. Never say unfavorable aspects of your ex to your kids, or make them seem like they have to pick. Your child has a right to a relationship with their other moms and dad that is free of your impact.

Tip 2: Enhance interaction with your co-parent

Tranquil, consistent, and purposeful communication with your ex is vital to the success of co-parenting– despite the fact that it may appear absolutely impossible. All of it begins with your frame of mind. Consider communication with your ex as having the greatest function: your kid’s wellness. Before having contact with your ex, ask yourself how your actions will impact your kid, and resolve to conduct yourself with dignity. Make your child the centerpiece of every discussion you have with your ex-partner.

Keep in mind that it isn’t constantly required to meet your ex face to face– speaking over the phone or exchanging emails or texts is great for the majority of conversations. The objective is to establish conflict-free communication, so see which type of contact works best for you.

Co-parenting communication techniques


Nevertheless you choose to have contact, the following techniques can assist you initiate and maintain efficient communication:

Set a businesslike tone. Approach the relationship with your ex as a service partnership where your “service” is your kids’s well-being. Compose or speak to your ex as you would a colleague– with respect, neutrality, and cordiality. Unwind and talk slowly.

Make requests. Instead of making declarations, which can be misinterpreted as needs, attempt framing as much as you can as a request. Demands can start with, “Would you want to …?” or “Can we try …?”.

Listen. Interacting with maturity begins with listening. Even if you wind up disagreeing with the other parent, you must at least have the ability to communicate to your ex that you have actually comprehended their viewpoint. And listening does not symbolize approval, so you won’t lose anything by allowing your ex to voice his/her opinions.

Show restraint. Communicating with one another is going to be necessary for the length of your kids’s entire childhood– if not longer. You can train yourself to not overreact to your ex, and with time you can become numb to the buttons they try to press.

Devote to meeting/talking consistently. Though it may be incredibly difficult in the early stages, regular communication with your ex will communicate the message to your children that you and your co-parent are an unified front.

Keep discussions kid-focused. Never ever let a conversation with your ex-partner digress into a discussion about your needs or their needs; it needs to always be about your kid’s requirements only.

Quickly ease stress in the minute. It might seem difficult to remain calm when handling a difficult ex-spouse who’s harmed you in the past or has a genuine knack for pushing your buttons. By practicing fast stress relief methods, you can find out to remain in control when the pressure develops.

Improving the relationship with your ex.


Be genuine about your efforts if you’re genuinely prepared to reconstruct trust after a break up. Remember your children’s benefits as you progress to enhance your relationship.

  • Ask your ex’s opinion. This simple technique can jump-start positive communications between you. Take a problem that you do not feel strongly about, and request for your ex’s input, showing that you value their opinion.
  • Say sorry. Apologize seriously– even if the occurrence happened a long time earlier when you’re sorry about something. Saying sorry can be a very effective step in moving your relationship past that of foes.
  • If a special outing with your ex is going to cut into your time with your kid by an hour, happily let it be. Remember that it’s all about what is best for your child.

Pointer 3: Co-parent as a team.

Parenting has plenty of decisions you’ll have to make with your ex, whether you like each other or not. Interacting and cooperating without blow-ups or bickering makes decision-making far much easier on everyone. If you shoot for consistency, geniality, and teamwork with your co-parent, the details of child-rearing choices tend to fall into place.

Go for co-parenting consistency.


It’s healthy for children to be exposed to different perspectives and learn to be versatile, but they likewise require to understand they’re living under the very same fundamental set of expectations at each house. Going for consistency between your house and your ex’s avoids confusion for your kids.

Rules. Rules don’t need to be exactly the same between 2 families, however if you and your ex-spouse develop usually constant standards, your kids won’t have to recuperate and forth in between 2 significantly different disciplinary environments. Important way of life rules like research issues, curfews, and off-limit activities should be followed in both families.

Discipline. Attempt to follow similar systems of consequences for broken rules, even if the offense didn’t occur under your roofing system. So, if your kids have lost TV privileges while at your ex’s house, follow through with the limitation. The very same can be done for rewarding etiquette.

Arrange. Where you can, go for some consistency in your children’s schedules. Making meals, homework, and bedtimes comparable can go a long way toward your child’s change to having 2 homes.

Making crucial choices as co-parents.


Major decisions require to be made by both you and your ex. Being open, honest, and uncomplicated about crucial issues is essential to both your relationship with your ex and your children’s well-being.

Medical needs. Whether you choose to designate one parent to interact mostly with healthcare experts or participate in medical appointments together, keep one another in the loop.

Education. Be sure to let the school understand about modifications in your kid’s living circumstance. Consult with your ex ahead of time about class schedules, extra-curricular activities, and parent-teacher conferences, and be respectful to each other at school or sports events.

Financial problems. The cost of preserving two separate households can strain your efforts to be reliable co-parents. Set a sensible budget and keep accurate records for shared expenses. Be gracious if your ex supplies chances for your kids that you can not offer.

Resolving co-parenting arguments.


As you co-parent, you and your ex are bound to disagree over particular issues. Keep the following in mind as you attempt to reach a consensus.

Regard can go a long way. Easy manners ought to be the foundation for co-parenting. Being considerate and considerate includes letting your ex learn about school occasions, being flexible about your schedule when possible, and taking their opinion seriously.

If you disagree about something crucial, you will require to continue communicating. Never discuss your distinctions of viewpoints with or in front of your kid.

Don’t sweat the little things. If you disagree about essential issues like a medical surgical treatment or option of school for your kid, by all means, keep the discussion going. But if you desire your child in bed by 7:30 and your ex states 8:00, let it go and conserve your energy for the bigger issues.

Compromise. Yes, you will need to come around to your ex-spouse’s viewpoint as typically as they occur to yours. It may not constantly be your first choice, however compromise enables you both to “win” and makes both of you most likely to be versatile in the future.

Tip 4: Make shifts and visitation much easier.

The real relocation from one household to another, whether it happens every couple of days or just certain weekends, can be a very tough time for children. Every reunion with one parent is likewise a separation with the other, each “hello” likewise a “farewell.” While transitions are inescapable, there are lots of things you can do to assist make them much easier on your kids.

When your child leaves.


As kids prepare to leave your house for your ex’s, attempt to stay positive and deliver them on time.

Assist kids expect change. Advise kids they’ll be leaving for the other parent’s home a day or more before the go to.

Cram in advance. Depending upon their age, aid kids pack their bags well prior to they leave so that they don’t forget anything they’ll miss. Motivate packaging familiar pointers like an unique stuffed toy or photo.

Always drop off– never ever pick up the child. It’s a good idea to avoid “taking” your kid from the other moms and dad so that you do not risk interrupting or curtailing a special moment. Drop off your child at the other parent’s house rather.

When your kid returns.


The start of your kid’s return to your home can be awkward or perhaps rocky. To assist your kid change:.

Keep things subtle. When children initially enter your home, attempt to have some down time together– read a book or do some other peaceful activity.

Double up. To make packaging simpler and make kids feel more comfortable when they are at the other moms and dad’s house, have kids keep specific basics– toothbrush, hairbrush, pajamas– at both homes.

Permit your kid space. Children typically require a little time to get used to the transition. If they seem to need some space, do something else close by. In time, things will return to normal.

Develop a special regimen. Play a video game or serve the same special meal each time your child returns. Kids thrive on regular– if they understand exactly what to expect when they go back to you it can help the shift.

Dealing with visitation refusal.

It prevails that kids in joint custody sometimes refuse to leave one moms and dad to stick with the other.

  • Find the cause. The problem may be simple to fix, like paying more attention to your child, making a change in discipline design, or having more toys or other home entertainment. Or it might be that an emotional reason is at hand, such as dispute or misunderstanding. Speak with your child about their refusal.
  • Go with the circulation. Whether you have detected the factor for the refusal or not, attempt to offer your kid the space and time that they certainly need.
  • Speak with your ex. A heart-to-heart with your ex about the rejection may be tough and psychological, however can assist you find out what the issue is. Attempt to stay delicate and comprehending to your ex as you discuss this sensitive subject.

Authors: Jocelyn Block, M.A. and Melinda Smith, M.A.

The objective is to keep your kid out of your relationship concerns, so call or email your ex straight.

Never ever state unfavorable things about your ex to your children, or make them feel like they have to pick. Approach the relationship with your ex as a service collaboration where your “organization” is your kids’s wellness. If an unique outing with your ex is going to cut into your time with your kid by an hour, graciously let it be. If you want your child in bed by 7:30 and your ex states 8:00, let it go and conserve your energy for the bigger concerns.

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Arbitration is a “party-centered” procedure in that it is concentrated mostly upon the requirements, rights, as well as passions of the celebrations. Arbitration, as utilized in regulation, is a form of alternative dispute resolution settling conflicts in between two or even more events with concrete impacts. Commonly, a third party, the mediator, assists the celebrations to negotiate a negotiation.

Arbitration is a “party-centered” procedure in that it is concentrated primarily upon the needs, civil liberties, as well as rate of interests of the parties. Arbitration, as used in regulation, is a kind of different disagreement resolution resolving conflicts in between 2 or even more events with concrete impacts. Normally, a 3rd celebration, the arbitrator, assists the parties to discuss a negotiation.

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