CountryWide Mediation

CountryWide Mediation is a group of professional Family Mediators helping households throughout Luton to overcome separation and divorce and deal with concerns connecting to monetary and children matters.
The CountryWide Mediation comprehends that divorce and separation are difficult and can be a challenging time in your life. We enhance communication and deal with you to make it possible for separation or divorce to be done in a way that does not damage your family.

Why would you think about family mediation as a choice?

Household Mediation motivates trust and helps to facilitate better communication for the future.
Family Mediation is an alternative to the couple’s solicitors battling in Court. Instead it allows you both to come up with equally useful propositions together.
Parents in Family Mediation can make decisions on involvement childcare plans even though there is a separation. The process helps to decrease the unfavorable effect of the divorce on the children.
Family Mediation encourages both parents to work on what they would both like to achieve which is a less demanding procedure than court.
Household Mediation is a cheaper and much faster process than litigating. We have actually seen clients invest numerous thousands of pounds litigating in court. Household Mediation is a fraction of the cost.
Household Mediation happens over several weeks so it is quicker than court procedures where you could be waiting several months for the first hearing date.
Family Mediation is confidential and the conferences are carried out in a private setting.

Family Mediation is a more affordable and much faster process than going to court. We have actually seen customers spend hundreds of thousands of pounds prosecuting in court. Family Mediation is a fraction of the cost.

Mediation Luton

Co-Parenting and Joint Custody Tips for Divorced Parents

Co-parenting after a separation or divorce is rarely simple. These shared custody suggestions can assist offer your children the stability, security, and close relationships with both parents that they require.

co parenting

What is co-parenting?

Unless your family has actually faced major issues such as domestic violence or substance abuse, co-parenting– having both parents play an active role in their kids’s lives– is the best method to ensure that all your kids’ requirements are met and allow them to retain close relationships with both moms and dads. The quality of the relationship between co-parents can also have a strong influence on the mental and emotional well-being of children, and the incidence of anxiety and anxiety. Of course, putting aside relationship concerns, specifically after an acrimonious split, to co-parent agreeably is sometimes much easier said than done.

Joint custody arrangements can be tiring, infuriating, and stuffed with tension, particularly if you have a controversial relationship with your ex-partner. You might feel worried about your ex’s parenting abilities, stressed about child assistance or other financial problems, feel worn down by dispute, or think you’ll never have the ability to overcome all the animosities in your relationship.

Making shared decisions, communicating with each other at drop-offs, or simply speaking with a person you ‘d rather forget everything about can look like difficult jobs. For the sake of your kids’ well-being, though, it is possible for you to conquer co-parenting difficulties and establish a cordial working relationship with your ex. With these pointers, you can remain calm, stay consistent, and fix conflicts to make joint custody work and allow your kids to thrive.

Making co-parenting work

The key to successful co-parenting is to separate the individual relationship with your ex from the co-parenting relationship. It might be practical to begin thinking of your relationship with your ex as a completely new one– one that is totally about the wellness of your kids, and not about either of you.

[Read: Kid and Divorce]
Your marriage might be over, however your family is not; acting in your kids’ best interest is your most important concern. The initial step to being a mature, responsible co-parent is to constantly put your children’s requirements ahead of your own.

Benefits for your kids

Through your co-parenting collaboration, your kids must recognize that they are more crucial than the conflict that ended your marriage– and comprehend that your love for them will dominate regardless of changing circumstances. Kids whose divorced parents have a cooperative relationship:

  • Feel safe and secure. When positive of the love of both parents, kids change more quickly and quickly to divorce and new living scenarios, and have much better self-esteem.
  • Benefit from consistency. Co-parenting fosters comparable guidelines, discipline, and benefits between families, so kids know what to anticipate, and what’s anticipated of them.
  • Better comprehend problem resolving. Children who see their parents continuing to work together are more likely to discover how to successfully and quietly resolve issues themselves.
  • Have a healthy example to follow. By cooperating with the other moms and dad, you are establishing a life pattern your kids can carry into the future to build and keep more powerful relationships.
  • Are mentally and emotionally healthier. Children exposed to conflict in between co-parents are most likely to establish issues such as depression, stress and anxiety, or ADHD.

Co-parenting pointer 1: Set hurt and anger aside

Effective co-parenting means that your own feelings– any hurt, anger, or bitterness– must take a rear seats to the requirements of your children. Admittedly, reserving such strong sensations may be the hardest part of finding out to work cooperatively with your ex, but it’s likewise possibly the most important.

Co-parenting is not about your feelings, or those of your ex-spouse, however rather about your kid’s joy, stability, and future well-being.

Separating feelings from behavior


It’s fine to be hurt and upset, however your sensations do not need to determine your habits. Instead, let what’s best for your kids– you working cooperatively with the other parent– inspire your actions.

Get your sensations out elsewhere. Never ever vent to your kid. Buddies, therapists, or even a caring pet can all make great listeners when you need to get negative sensations off your chest. Workout can likewise supply a healthy outlet for letting off steam.

Stay kid-focused. If you feel resentful or angry, attempt to keep in mind why you need to show purpose and grace: your kid’s best interests are at stake. Looking at a photo of your kid may assist you relax down if your anger feels overwhelming.

Don’t put your kids in the middle

You might never completely lose all of your bitterness or bitterness about your separate, however what you can do is separate those sensations and advise yourself that they are your concerns, not your kid’s. Resolve to keep your issues with your ex far from your kids.

Never utilize kids as messengers. When you utilize your kids to communicate messages to your co-parent, it puts them in the center of your dispute. The goal is to keep your kid out of your relationship issues, so call or email your ex directly.

Keep your problems to yourself. Never ever say unfavorable aspects of your ex to your kids, or make them feel like they need to pick. Your child has a right to a relationship with their other parent that is devoid of your influence.

Idea 2: Enhance communication with your co-parent

Serene, consistent, and purposeful interaction with your ex is necessary to the success of co-parenting– although it may appear definitely impossible. It all begins with your mindset. Think about interaction with your ex as having the greatest function: your child’s well-being. Before having contact with your ex, ask yourself how your actions will affect your child, and fix to conduct yourself with dignity. Make your kid the centerpiece of every discussion you have with your ex-partner.

Bear in mind that it isn’t always essential to fulfill your ex personally– speaking over the phone or exchanging texts or e-mails is fine for most of discussions. The goal is to establish conflict-free communication, so see which kind of contact works best for you.

Co-parenting interaction methods


You pick to have contact, the following techniques can assist you initiate and preserve effective interaction:

Approach the relationship with your ex as an organization collaboration where your “organization” is your children’s wellness. Compose or speak to your ex as you would a coworker– with neutrality, respect, and cordiality.

Make requests. Instead of making statements, which can be misinterpreted as demands, attempt framing as much as you can as a request. Demands can begin with, “Would you want to …?” or “Can we attempt …?”.

Even if you end up disagreeing with the other moms and dad, you should at least be able to convey to your ex that you have actually understood their point of view. And listening does not represent approval, so you will not lose anything by enabling your ex to voice his or her viewpoints.

Show restraint. Bear in mind that interacting with one another is going to be required for the length of your kids’s whole childhood– if not longer. You can train yourself to not overreact to your ex, and over time you can become numb to the buttons they attempt to press.

Dedicate to meeting/talking consistently. Though it may be incredibly hard in the early stages, frequent communication with your ex will convey the message to your kids that you and your co-parent are an unified front.

Keep discussions kid-focused. Never ever let a discussion with your ex-partner digress into a discussion about your requirements or their requirements; it should constantly have to do with your kid’s requirements just.

Rapidly relieve stress in the minute. It may seem impossible to remain calm when dealing with a challenging ex-spouse who’s hurt you in the past or has a genuine knack for pushing your buttons. By practicing quick tension relief methods, you can learn to stay in control when the pressure constructs.

Improving the relationship with your ex.


Be sincere about your efforts if you’re really prepared to rebuild trust after a break up. Remember your children’s best interests as you progress to improve your relationship.

  • Ask your ex’s viewpoint. This easy technique can jump-start positive communications between you. Take a problem that you do not feel strongly about, and request for your ex’s input, revealing that you value their opinion.
  • Apologize. When you’re sorry about something, apologize genuinely– even if the occurrence occurred a very long time back. Apologizing can be a really powerful step in moving your relationship past that of foes.
  • Relax. Graciously let it be if an unique getaway with your ex is going to cut into your time with your kid by an hour. Remember that it’s everything about what is finest for your child. Plus, when you show versatility, your ex is most likely to be versatile with you.

Pointer 3: Co-parent as a group.

Parenting is full of decisions you’ll need to make with your ex, whether you like each other or not. Communicating and cooperating without blow-ups or bickering makes decision-making far simpler on everyone. The information of child-rearing decisions tend to fall into location if you shoot for consistency, geniality, and teamwork with your co-parent.

Aim for co-parenting consistency.


It’s healthy for children to be exposed to various perspectives and learn to be flexible, but they also need to understand they’re living under the very same fundamental set of expectations at each house. Aiming for consistency in between your home and your ex’s avoids confusion for your kids.

Rules. Guidelines don’t have to be exactly the exact same in between 2 households, but if you and your ex-spouse develop normally constant standards, your kids won’t have to recover and forth in between 2 drastically various disciplinary environments. Essential lifestyle guidelines like homework problems, curfews, and off-limit activities need to be followed in both homes.

Discipline. Attempt to follow comparable systems of consequences for damaged guidelines, even if the infraction didn’t happen under your roofing. If your kids have lost TV opportunities while at your ex’s home, follow through with the restriction. The same can be provided for fulfilling etiquette.

Arrange. Where you can, aim for some consistency in your children’s schedules. Making meals, research, and bedtimes comparable can go a long way towards your kid’s change to having two homes.

Making essential choices as co-parents.


Significant decisions need to be made by both you and your ex. Being open, truthful, and straightforward about important problems is important to both your relationship with your ex and your kids’s well-being.

Medical needs. Whether you decide to designate one parent to interact mainly with health care professionals or attend medical appointments together, keep one another in the loop.

Education. Be sure to let the school know about modifications in your child’s living situation. Talk to your ex ahead of time about class schedules, extra-curricular activities, and parent-teacher conferences, and be respectful to each other at school or sports events.

The expense of keeping two separate homes can strain your attempts to be effective co-parents. Be gracious if your ex provides opportunities for your kids that you can not provide.

Solving co-parenting arguments.


As you co-parent, you and your ex are bound to disagree over certain problems. Keep the following in mind as you attempt to reach an agreement.

Regard can go a long way. Easy manners should be the foundation for co-parenting. Being thoughtful and respectful consists of letting your ex learn about school occasions, being versatile about your schedule when possible, and taking their viewpoint seriously.

If you disagree about something crucial, you will need to continue communicating. Never ever discuss your differences of viewpoints with or in front of your child.

Don’t sweat the little things. If you disagree about essential concerns like a medical surgery or choice of school for your child, by all means, keep the conversation going. If you want your kid in bed by 7:30 and your ex states 8:00, let it go and conserve your energy for the bigger problems.

Compromise. Yes, you will need to come around to your ex-spouse’s point of view as frequently as they come around to yours. It may not constantly be your first choice, but compromise permits you both to “win” and makes both of you more likely to be versatile in the future.

Idea 4: Make transitions and visitation simpler.

The real relocation from one household to another, whether it takes place every few days or simply specific weekends, can be a very tough time for children. Every reunion with one parent is also a separation with the other, each “hi” also a “bye-bye.” While shifts are inescapable, there are many things you can do to help make them simpler on your kids.

When your child leaves.


As kids prepare to leave your house for your ex’s, try to stay favorable and deliver them on time.

Assist kids anticipate change. Advise kids they’ll be leaving for the other moms and dad’s house a day or 2 before the see.

Pack in advance. Depending upon their age, help kids load their bags well prior to they leave so that they do not forget anything they’ll miss. Encourage packaging familiar tips like a special stuffed toy or picture.

Constantly drop off– never ever get the child. It’s a good idea to avoid “taking” your kid from the other moms and dad so that you don’t risk interrupting or curtailing a special moment. Drop off your child at the other parent’s home instead.

When your kid returns.


The start of your kid’s go back to your home can be uncomfortable or perhaps rocky. To help your child adjust:.

Keep things low-key. When children initially enter your house, try to have some down time together– read a book or do some other peaceful activity.

Double up. To make packing easier and make kids feel more comfortable when they are at the other moms and dad’s home, have kids keep specific essentials– toothbrush, hairbrush, pajamas– at both houses.

Permit your child area. Children often require a little time to adjust to the shift.

Establish a special routine. Play a video game or serve the same special meal each time your kid returns. When they return to you it can help the shift, kids grow on regular– if they know exactly what to expect.

Handling visitation refusal.

It’s common that kids in joint custody in some cases refuse to leave one parent to stay with the other.

  • The problem may be simple to solve, like paying more attention to your child, making a change in discipline design, or having more toys or other home entertainment. Talk to your kid about their rejection.
  • Go with the flow. Whether you have spotted the factor for the refusal or not, attempt to offer your kid the space and time that they obviously require.
  • Speak to your ex. A heart-to-heart with your ex about the refusal might be difficult and psychological, however can assist you determine what the issue is. Try to remain delicate and understanding to your ex as you discuss this sensitive subject.

Authors: Jocelyn Block, M.A. and Melinda Smith, M.A.

The goal is to keep your kid out of your relationship concerns, so call or email your ex straight.

Never state negative things about your ex to your kids, or make them feel like they have to choose. Approach the relationship with your ex as a business partnership where your “company” is your kids’s wellness. If an unique outing with your ex is going to cut into your time with your kid by an hour, enthusiastically let it be. If you desire your kid in bed by 7:30 and your ex says 8:00, let it go and save your energy for the bigger concerns.

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About Mediation in WikiPedia

Mediation is a structured, interactive process where an impartial third party assists disputing parties in resolving conflict through the use of specialized communication and negotiation techniques. All participants in mediation are encouraged to actively participate in the process. Mediation is a “party-centered” process in that it is focused primarily upon the needs, rights, and interests of the parties. The mediator uses a wide variety of techniques to guide the process in a constructive direction and to help the parties find their optimal solution. A mediator is facilitative in that she/he manages the interaction between parties and facilitates open communication. Mediation is also evaluative in that the mediator analyzes issues and relevant norms (“reality-testing”), while refraining from providing prescriptive advice to the parties (e.g., “You should do…”).

Mediation, as used in law, is a form of alternative dispute resolution resolving disputes between two or more parties with concrete effects. Typically, a third party, the mediator, assists the parties to negotiate a settlement. Disputants may mediate disputes in a variety of domains, such as commercial, legal, diplomatic, workplace, community, and family matters.

The term mediation broadly refers to any instance in which a third party helps others reach an agreement. More specifically, mediation has a structure, timetable, and dynamics that “ordinary” negotiation lacks. The process is private and confidential, possibly enforced by law. Participation is typically voluntary. The mediator acts as a neutral third party and facilitates rather than directs the process. Mediation is becoming a more peaceful and internationally accepted solution to end the conflict. Mediation can be used to resolve disputes of any magnitude.

The term mediation, however, due to language as well as national legal standards and regulations is not identical in content in all countries but rather has specific connotations, and there are some differences between Anglo-Saxon definitions and other countries, especially countries with a civil, statutory law tradition.

Mediators use various techniques to open, or improve, dialogue and empathy between disputants, aiming to help the parties reach an agreement. Much depends on the mediator’s skill and training. As the practice gained popularity, training programs, certifications, and licensing followed, which produced trained and professional mediators committed to the discipline.

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