Our Family Mediation Solutions

CountryWide Mediation was among the very first household mediation services
to be established in the country and it is now among the foremost providers of family mediation in the Kilmarnock.

We have an unique depth of understanding, skill and experience in solving problems and resolving conflict and conflicts within families.

All members of our family mediation team are expertly certified (FMCA) through the Household Mediation Council.

We have our own dedicated mediation premises in a quiet yet main location, with 3 mediation spaces, different waiting areas, a reception location with additional seating and a back office.

We are able to offer very first conference/ MIAMs appointments (for individuals) within 24hours and consultations for mediation conferences (for both celebrations), within 5 working days.

We provide both legally assisted and privately moneyed mediation covering all Kilmarnock.

Mediation Kilmarnock

Co-Parenting and Joint Custody Tips for Divorced Parents

Co-parenting after a separation or divorce is rarely simple. These shared custody tips can help provide your children the stability, security, and close relationships with both parents that they need.

co parenting

What is co-parenting?

Unless your household has dealt with major concerns such as domestic violence or substance abuse, co-parenting– having both moms and dads play an active function in their children’s lives– is the best method to ensure that all your kids’ requirements are fulfilled and allow them to retain close relationships with both moms and dads. The quality of the relationship between co-parents can likewise have a strong influence on the psychological and emotional wellness of kids, and the occurrence of anxiety and depression. Of course, putting aside relationship problems, especially after an acrimonious split, to co-parent agreeably is sometimes much easier said than done.

Joint custody plans can be tiring, shocking, and stuffed with stress, specifically if you have a contentious relationship with your ex-partner. You may feel concerned about your ex’s parenting capabilities, stressed about child assistance or other financial concerns, feel worn down by conflict, or think you’ll never ever be able to overcome all the bitterness in your relationship.

Making shared decisions, interacting with each other at drop-offs, or just speaking to a person you ‘d rather forget everything about can look like impossible jobs. For the sake of your kids’ well-being, however, it is possible for you to get rid of co-parenting obstacles and establish a cordial working relationship with your ex. With these ideas, you can stay calm, stay consistent, and resolve conflicts to make joint custody work and enable your kids to grow.

Making co-parenting work

The key to successful co-parenting is to separate the individual relationship with your ex from the co-parenting relationship. It may be useful to begin thinking of your relationship with your ex as a completely new one– one that is completely about the wellness of your children, and not about either of you.

[Read: Children and Divorce]
Your marital relationship may be over, however your household is not; acting in your kids’ best interest is your crucial top priority. The initial step to being a mature, accountable co-parent is to always put your kids’s needs ahead of your own.

Benefits for your children

Through your co-parenting collaboration, your kids should acknowledge that they are more crucial than the dispute that ended your marital relationship– and understand that your love for them will dominate despite altering scenarios. Kids whose divorced moms and dads have a cooperative relationship:

  • Feel secure. When confident of the love of both moms and dads, kids adjust quicker and quickly to divorce and new living circumstances, and have much better self-confidence.
  • Take advantage of consistency. Co-parenting fosters comparable rules, discipline, and benefits in between families, so kids know what to expect, and what’s expected of them.
  • Better understand problem fixing. Children who see their parents continuing to interact are most likely to learn how to successfully and quietly resolve problems themselves.
  • Have a healthy example to follow. By cooperating with the other moms and dad, you are establishing a life pattern your children can carry into the future to develop and keep stronger relationships.
  • Are mentally and mentally much healthier. Children exposed to dispute in between co-parents are more likely to establish issues such as depression, anxiety, or ADHD.

Co-parenting suggestion 1: Set hurt and anger aside

Effective co-parenting means that your own emotions– any hurt, bitterness, or anger– need to take a rear seats to the needs of your children. Admittedly, setting aside such strong feelings may be the hardest part of discovering to work cooperatively with your ex, however it’s also maybe the most essential.

Co-parenting is not about your feelings, or those of your ex-spouse, but rather about your child’s happiness, stability, and future well-being.

Separating feelings from behavior

It’s all right to be injured and angry, but your feelings don’t need to dictate your behavior. Rather, let what’s best for your kids– you working cooperatively with the other moms and dad– inspire your actions.

Never ever vent to your kid. Pals, therapists, or even a loving family pet can all make excellent listeners when you need to get unfavorable feelings off your chest.

Stay kid-focused. If you feel angry or resentful, attempt to keep in mind why you require to show function and grace: your child’s best interests are at stake. If your anger feels overwhelming, taking a look at a photograph of your kid might assist you calm down.

Do not put your children in the middle

You may never entirely lose all of your resentment or bitterness about your break up, however what you can do is compartmentalize those sensations and advise yourself that they are your problems, not your child’s. Solve to keep your problems with your ex away from your children.

Never ever utilize kids as messengers. When you utilize your children to communicate messages to your co-parent, it puts them in the center of your dispute. The objective is to keep your kid out of your relationship concerns, so call or email your ex straight.

Keep your concerns to yourself. Never ever say negative things about your ex to your children, or make them feel like they need to choose. Your child has a right to a relationship with their other parent that is without your impact.

Tip 2: Enhance communication with your co-parent

Believe about communication with your ex as having the highest function: your child’s well-being. Before having contact with your ex, ask yourself how your actions will impact your kid, and deal with to perform yourself with self-respect.

Remember that it isn’t constantly required to satisfy your ex in person– speaking over the phone or exchanging e-mails or texts is fine for most of discussions. The objective is to establish conflict-free communication, so see which type of contact works best for you.

Co-parenting communication approaches

Nevertheless you select to have contact, the following methods can help you start and maintain reliable communication:

Set a business–like tone. Approach the relationship with your ex as a business partnership where your “service” is your children’s well-being. Speak or write to your ex as you would an associate– with cordiality, neutrality, and regard. Relax and talk slowly.

Make demands. Instead of making statements, which can be misinterpreted as demands, try framing as much as you can as a demand. Demands can start with, “Would you want to …?” or “Can we try …?”.

Listen. Communicating with maturity begins with listening. Even if you end up disagreeing with the other moms and dad, you ought to a minimum of be able to communicate to your ex that you’ve understood their point of view. And listening does not symbolize approval, so you will not lose anything by allowing your ex to voice his/her viewpoints.

Show restraint. Remember that communicating with one another is going to be essential for the length of your kids’s entire childhood– if not longer. You can train yourself to not overreact to your ex, and in time you can become numb to the buttons they try to push.

Dedicate to meeting/talking consistently. It may be incredibly difficult in the early stages, regular communication with your ex will communicate the message to your children that you and your co-parent are an unified front.

Keep conversations kid-focused. Never ever let a discussion with your ex-partner digress into a conversation about your needs or their needs; it must always be about your child’s requirements just.

Rapidly ease tension in the minute. When dealing with a tough ex-spouse who’s injured you in the past or has a genuine flair for pushing your buttons, it may appear impossible to stay calm. However by practicing quick tension relief methods, you can find out to remain in control when the pressure builds.

Improving the relationship with your ex.

If you’re really all set to rebuild trust after a break up, be sincere about your efforts. Remember your kids’s benefits as you move forward to enhance your relationship.

  • Ask your ex’s viewpoint. This basic technique can jump-start positive communications between you. Take an issue that you don’t feel strongly about, and ask for your ex’s input, showing that you value their opinion.
  • Ask forgiveness. Ask forgiveness genuinely– even if the event occurred a long time back when you’re sorry about something. Asking forgiveness can be a very powerful step in moving your relationship past that of adversaries.
  • Relax. If an unique trip with your ex is going to cut into your time with your kid by an hour, graciously let it be. Bear in mind that it’s everything about what is best for your kid. Plus, when you show versatility, your ex is more likely to be versatile with you.

Idea 3: Co-parent as a team.

Parenting is full of decisions you’ll need to make with your ex, whether you like each other or not. Interacting and working together without blow-ups or bickering makes decision-making far easier on everybody. The information of child-rearing choices tend to fall into place if you shoot for consistency, geniality, and team effort with your co-parent.

Aim for co-parenting consistency.

It’s healthy for kids to be exposed to different viewpoints and discover to be flexible, but they likewise need to understand they’re living under the same basic set of expectations at each house. Aiming for consistency in between your home and your ex’s avoids confusion for your children.

Guidelines. Guidelines do not need to be precisely the very same between 2 households, but if you and your ex-spouse establish generally consistent standards, your kids will not have to bounce back and forth in between 2 radically different disciplinary environments. Crucial way of life guidelines like homework problems, curfews, and off-limit activities need to be followed in both homes.

Discipline. Attempt to follow similar systems of consequences for broken rules, even if the violation didn’t happen under your roof. If your kids have lost TV advantages while at your ex’s house, follow through with the constraint. The exact same can be done for fulfilling good behavior.

Set up. Where you can, go for some consistency in your kids’s schedules. Making meals, research, and bedtimes similar can go a long way towards your kid’s modification to having two houses.

Making important decisions as co-parents.

Major decisions need to be made by both you and your ex. Being open, honest, and simple about important problems is crucial to both your relationship with your ex and your children’s well-being.

Medical needs. Whether you choose to designate one parent to interact primarily with health care experts or attend medical visits together, keep one another in the loop.

Education. Make sure to let the school know about modifications in your child’s living situation. Consult with your ex ahead of time about class schedules, extra-curricular activities, and parent-teacher conferences, and be respectful to each other at school or sports events.

Financial issues. The expense of keeping 2 different households can strain your efforts to be efficient co-parents. Set a practical budget plan and keep accurate records for shared expenditures. If your ex provides chances for your children that you can not supply, be thoughtful.

Resolving co-parenting arguments.

As you co-parent, you and your ex are bound to disagree over certain issues. Keep the following in mind as you try to reach a consensus.

Regard can go a long way. Simple good manners ought to be the foundation for co-parenting. Being thoughtful and considerate includes letting your ex understand about school events, being flexible about your schedule when possible, and taking their opinion seriously.

If you disagree about something important, you will require to continue interacting. Never discuss your differences of viewpoints with or in front of your kid.

Don’t sweat the little things. If you disagree about crucial issues like a medical surgery or choice of school for your child, by all means, keep the conversation going. If you want your kid in bed by 7:30 and your ex states 8:00, let it go and save your energy for the bigger issues.

Compromise. Yes, you will need to come around to your ex-spouse’s viewpoint as typically as they come around to yours. It might not constantly be your first choice, but compromise permits you both to “win” and makes both of you more likely to be flexible in the future.

Pointer 4: Make transitions and visitation much easier.

The real move from one family to another, whether it takes place every couple of days or simply specific weekends, can be a very hard time for children. Every reunion with one parent is also a separation with the other, each “hey there” also a “goodbye.” While transitions are inescapable, there are lots of things you can do to help make them much easier on your children.

When your child leaves.

As kids prepare to leave your house for your ex’s, attempt to stay positive and deliver them on time.

Help kids anticipate modification. Advise kids they’ll be leaving for the other parent’s home a day or 2 before the check out.

Pack in advance. Depending upon their age, assistance kids load their bags well before they leave so that they don’t forget anything they’ll miss out on. Encourage packing familiar suggestions like an unique packed toy or photograph.

Constantly drop off– never get the kid. It’s a great concept to prevent “taking” your kid from the other parent so that you do not risk disrupting or reducing an unique minute. Drop off your kid at the other parent’s house rather.

When your child returns.

The beginning of your child’s go back to your house can be uncomfortable or even rocky. To help your child change:.

Keep things subtle. When kids initially enter your house, attempt to have some down time together– check out a book or do some other peaceful activity.

Double up. To make packaging easier and make kids feel more comfortable when they are at the other moms and dad’s home, have kids keep specific basics– tooth brush, hairbrush, pajamas– at both homes.

Permit your child space. Kids frequently require a little time to adjust to the transition.

Develop a special routine. Play a video game or serve the very same special meal each time your child returns. Kids prosper on regular– if they know precisely what to expect when they return to you it can help the transition.

Dealing with visitation refusal.

It’s common that kids in joint custody often refuse to leave one moms and dad to stick with the other.

  • The issue might be easy to solve, like paying more attention to your child, making a modification in discipline design, or having more toys or other home entertainment. Talk to your child about their refusal.
  • Go with the flow. Whether you have spotted the reason for the refusal or not, try to give your kid the area and time that they obviously need. It may have nothing to do with you at all. And take heart: most cases of visitation rejection are momentary.
  • Talk with your ex. A heart-to-heart with your ex about the refusal might be emotional and tough, but can assist you determine what the problem is. Try to remain sensitive and understanding to your ex as you discuss this touchy topic.

Authors: Jocelyn Block, M.A. and Melinda Smith, M.A.

The goal is to keep your kid out of your relationship issues, so call or email your ex directly.

Never state unfavorable things about your ex to your children, or make them feel like they have to choose. Approach the relationship with your ex as a business partnership where your “organization” is your kids’s wellness. If an unique trip with your ex is going to cut into your time with your kid by an hour, happily let it be. If you desire your child in bed by 7:30 and your ex says 8:00, let it go and conserve your energy for the bigger issues.

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About Mediation in WikiPedia

Mediation is a structured, interactive process where an impartial third party assists disputing parties in resolving conflict through the use of specialized communication and negotiation techniques. All participants in mediation are encouraged to actively participate in the process. Mediation is a “party-centered” process in that it is focused primarily upon the needs, rights, and interests of the parties. The mediator uses a wide variety of techniques to guide the process in a constructive direction and to help the parties find their optimal solution. A mediator is facilitative in that she/he manages the interaction between parties and facilitates open communication. Mediation is also evaluative in that the mediator analyzes issues and relevant norms (“reality-testing”), while refraining from providing prescriptive advice to the parties (e.g., “You should do…”).

Mediation, as used in law, is a form of alternative dispute resolution resolving disputes between two or more parties with concrete effects. Typically, a third party, the mediator, assists the parties to negotiate a settlement. Disputants may mediate disputes in a variety of domains, such as commercial, legal, diplomatic, workplace, community, and family matters.

The term mediation broadly refers to any instance in which a third party helps others reach an agreement. More specifically, mediation has a structure, timetable, and dynamics that “ordinary” negotiation lacks. The process is private and confidential, possibly enforced by law. Participation is typically voluntary. The mediator acts as a neutral third party and facilitates rather than directs the process. Mediation is becoming a more peaceful and internationally accepted solution to end the conflict. Mediation can be used to resolve disputes of any magnitude.

The term mediation, however, due to language as well as national legal standards and regulations is not identical in content in all countries but rather has specific connotations, and there are some differences between Anglo-Saxon definitions and other countries, especially countries with a civil, statutory law tradition.

Mediators use various techniques to open, or improve, dialogue and empathy between disputants, aiming to help the parties reach an agreement. Much depends on the mediator’s skill and training. As the practice gained popularity, training programs, certifications, and licensing followed, which produced trained and professional mediators committed to the discipline.

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